Matthew Distracts Himself

The Family Circus Explained

The Family Circus by Jeff and Bill Keane, April 18, 2005

You see kids, a lot of folks who read do not use teh internets and are unfamiliar with blogs, which seem foreign to them. They think it’s funny that a young person might spend time and invest energies investigating and writing about things that are locally meaningful.

Luckily, 18-24 year olds are the most active demographic group when it comes to volunteerism and activism.

Glass Houses

The other day I happened across an article on the WTSP Channel 10 (Tampa, FL) website. It was a sad story of “Two students hospitalized after smoking popular herbs.” ‘Herbs’ in this context means incense. Sad story, but the lads seem to be on the mend. Hopefully, they will one day look back to the comments following the article and have a good laugh.

First, the innocuous:

And then the hilarious:

Really? “A thing for English etc”? Perhaps some lessons in the use of ellipses, “etc.,” appropriate capitalization, commas and other basic punctuation are in order? Prescriptivists come off as stuck up when they practice what they preach. They come of as silly when they do not.

‘The Family Circus’ Explained

Do you remember in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles?” I give you the following clip:

No, those aren’t pillows. Similarly, that’s not soda, Billy.

You see Billy, daddy needs a little “medicine” sometimes. I bet he’s feeling much better now!

Merry Christmas, Sweetie…

… Mommy and I got you dancing lessons.

Political “Humor” Explained

Uh huh. See, Republican supporters are mostly people who can’t afford Republican policies. That is, you have to be rich to benefit, and most of us Americans are not. No where is this more true than in the health care debate. The Republican plan is, essentially, to let rich people buy better care, while the rest of us deal with the fact that we cannot afford health care, and there is no relief in sight. Sadly, the Republican train is being driven by the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, who seem to have lost sight of the fact that Americans - and even Republicans - actually want real health care reform. Remember, health care reform was a very real part of the Republican presidential primary conversation, because people need relief.

I digress. And I guess it’s not that funny after all.

Count Your Cash

But mix it up a little. No one else in the world does it the way we do here in the states.

I wonder if there is anthropological interest in why we have developed very different ways of counting very similar paper currencies?

‘The Wizard of Id’ Explained

Something bad happened to the Wizard’s brother-in-law, and now the Wizard has to go the to the opera with his wife because his Brother-in-Law cannot use the tickets. The Wizard is so ego-centric and caught up in his own crap; he thinks he is the only one with problems - attending the opera is a fate worse than death - while completely ignoring the fact that his Brother-in-Law has an injured back!

It is funny more in the ironic sense than in the sense that suggests hilarity, and it speaks to all of us.

Notice the appropriate use of a semi-colon to separate two independent clauses up there?

The End of Rugged Individualism?

The Cash for Clunkers program has come and gone. It was not without problems, some of which persist (the vehicles received were supposed to be scavenged for parts and then destroyed, but there are so many parts to be salvaged that it is likely the deadline for destruction of the last vehicles will be missed by a full year). The list of most traded-in vehicles is interesting. People seem to be done with their SUVs and 4WD pickups. There are two models of Ford Explorer in the top ten, along with two Jeep models. Check it out:

1. Ford Explorer 4WD
2. Ford F150 Pickup 2WD
3. Jeep Grand Cherokee 4WD
4. Jeep Cherokee 4WD
5. Ford Explorer 2WD
6. Dodge Caravan/Grand Caravan
7. Chevrolet Blazer 4WD
8. Ford F-150 Pickup 4WD
9. Chevrolet C1500 Pickup 2WD
10. Ford Windstar

If tanking sales and the above list were not enough to convince auto manufacturers that we are losing our desire to drive vehicles that have miles per gallon ratings in the low teens, look at the list of most-purchased vehicles for people participatin in the Cash for Clunkers program:

1. Toyota Corolla
2. Honda Civic
3. Ford Focus
4. Toyota Camry
5. Hyundai Elantra
6. Toyota Prius
7. Nissan Versa
8. Ford Escape FWD
9. Honda Fit
10. Honda CR-V AWD

The two “off-road” vehicles both get better gas mileage than any vehicle on the trade-in list.

A Great Pastime

Fun for the whole family via xkcd

‘Henry’ Explained

“Henry” by Carl Anderson. Thursday, October 1, 2009.

Henry is at the zoo when he sees a sign. The sign depicts a human hand pointing the way, as such signs sometimes do. Henry thinks the hand should look more like it’s attached to a monkey’s arm, because it is pointing to the monkey house, and so he draws some hair on it.

Henry’s clever like that.

By the way, Carl Anderson was 67 when he was first picked up for syndication in 1932 as a cartoon. Anderson died in 1948, and the strip was thereafter drawn by Don Trachte on Sundays, until his death in 2005. On weekdays, the strip was drawn by John Liney, until his retirement in 1979. If you receive one of the 75 newspapers that still run “Henry,” as I do, you are seeing vintage strips, not new work.

What Did You Expect?

Eating out at 2AM on Friday night/Saturday morning in a college town is an invitation to long lines and drunken conversation. This weekend, I found myself in a Steak ‘n’ Shake in the wee hours. It was a choice - that or Denny’s. The lot at Denny’s was full, so I aimed for Steak ‘n’ Shake.

Steak ‘n’ Shake was full, too. And I mean full - wait for a table full.

I was seated next to a table full of young college kids fresh from a party (which was the topic of a very loud conversation). One young Jewish lady - which I mention only because she did. Ad nauseum - ordered a steak burger with everything. When it came and she started eating, the “everything” part started running down her arm. With disgust and vigor, she threw the sandwich on her plate and announced,

“This is unnecessarily messy!”

I fell out. I LOLed. I LMAOed. I barely avoided pointing and laughing.